


Incelsexual

by 999



Category: Dangan Ronpa - All Media Types, Super Dangan Ronpa 2
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Crack Treated Seriously, Fake/Pretend Relationship, M/M, this was a joke i got too invested in
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-05-21
Updated: 2018-05-21
Packaged: 2019-05-09 15:03:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,294
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14718368
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/999/pseuds/999
Summary: Togami is incelsexual





	Incelsexual

**Author's Note:**

> i wrote this as a joke with my friend while our other friends were at a con, ill try to finish it, i have the rest planned out im just lazy

Sonia didn't exactly hate Souda, he wasn't the worst person she'd ever met, but she didn't want to give him her number, either. So when he asked her for it, she didn't know what to do. Afterall, she WAS royalty so she couldn't just go around giving her number to anyone.

She was quiet for a minute, thinking through her options, she didn't want to be rude about it, she was classy. Just then, she realized this was the perfect opportunity to get back at someone. With a polite smile, she gave Souda a number, but it wasn't hers. 

Togami was busy eating money when he got a text. He thought that he’d blocked everyone at the school’s number? Except Naegi, he liked to call him during his meetings or arguments or really just whenever he felt like it so that he could make Naegi tell them. (Tell them what? No one fucking knew.) He opened the text out of curiosity. What he saw was disgusting.

“HEYYY MISS SONIA! ITS ME, SODA! IM SO HSPPY YOY GSVE ME UR NUMBER I HOPE WE CSM BEVOME GREAT FRIENDS!!!! (　^ω^)”

Since He and Sonia both came from elite families they’ve attended many of the same events in the past, and had each other's numbers. He didn’t know who this idiot texting him was, but he knew it was Sonia’s fault. Sonia had been pissed at him ever since she befriended his stalker, Touko. Why anyone would want to be friends with her was a mystery to him, she smelled like old sweat and depression, and she looked as if she hadn’t bathed in months. (she hadn’t) Thankfully, he no longer had to smell or look at her because she now chose to annoy Sonia instead. Good riddance. 

Whatever, if this person was so excited to text Sonia he’d just have to do what he did best- be a little bitch and ruin the lives and happiness of others. It’s not like he was lonely after Touko had left him, no, rich people didn’t get lonely and didn’t need friends. Friends and loneliness were things exclusively for poor people. He was simply going to make the most of this situation and have some fun at the expense of whoever he was texting. 

“Peasant. Meet Me In Thirty Minutes. Do Not Be Late.”

His phone buzzed within 11 seconds of him sending the text. Ew. This person obviously had no life.

“ AAA~ MISS SONIAS BEING SO FORCSFUL... (／≧ω＼) WANT TO MEET AT THE PARK NEAR THE SCHOOL?”

Togami fought the urge to throw his phone out the window, not that he didn’t have backup phones, he had billions, all of them had a diamond encrusted image of himself smirking on their case, this just wasn’t worth the effort. He waited 15 minutes so that he didn’t seem desperate and replied with a simple “Fine.” 

In a dorm room filled with various machine parts and empty soft drink bottles, Souda looked at his phone in disbelief. Holy shit. Sonia had given him her number, texted him back, asked him out AND called him a peasant? This was the best day of his life. He was so excited that he forgot to change out of his fucking nasty, greasy, sweaty, clothes, and so he really went out in public looking, (and smelling,) like a horrible little sewer rodent. The second she texted her agreement he sprinted out of there as fast as his little incel legs would take him.

Togami had gotten to the park first, so he decided to stand around waiting with his arms crossed, giving anyone who walked by dirty looks. He would’ve sat down on one of the park benches, but he had a personal rule to not sit on any chair that was worth less than ten thousand dollars. 

By the time Souda got to the park he was even sweatier and worse smelling than before. This bitch looked like he’d been living in a junkyard for 17 years. Because he’s so goddamn stupid, he mistook Togami for Sonia and excitedly ran over to him.

“Miss So-” he realized his mistake mid sentence. “Hey what the fuck? You’re not Miss Sonia! You need to leave because this park is reserved for me and my date.” He stated this proudly. He’s so fucking stupid. He really still thought Sonia was coming.

Togami started to turn around, well this must be the idiot I was texting, he thought. This guy was obviously a complete and total moron, how could he even mistake him, Byakuya Togami, for some worthless, insignificant princess of some shit kingdom no one had ever even heard of? He finished turning towards him with the bitchiest expression he could manage. That was his plan, at least.

The man before him was so horrible, so hideous, he couldn’t even think of a proper insult. Neon pink hair? A highlighter yellow jumpsuit with matching shoes? To make it somehow worse, the whole outfit was stained with oil, even his hair had oil in it.  
The second he saw Souda he felt like he’d been punched, he lost the ability to breath, his heart was beating faster than it ever had before. What the hell.

Togami had never felt self hatred before this moment. What was there to hate about himself? He was perfect. WAS perfect, not anymore, not after he couldn’t stop his heart from beating so fast or the blush from appearing on his cheeks. He knew exactly what was happening. Somehow, he was attracted to Souda. He didn’t know why but he couldn’t stop himself from feeling this way.

Togami quickly turned back around, hoping Souda hadn’t seen him blushing. “Of course I’m not Sonia, and she’s not coming. You were never texting her, she gave you my number.” He was ready to leave and be done with this whole thing, really, he was. Then he heard Souda crying behind him. 

Normally, Togami loved being responsible for the tears of others, today he just wasn’t feeling like himself though. So before Souda could say anything Togami betrayed himself yet again by doing something fucking stupid. Maybe being an idiot was contagious?

His tone was harsh as he spoke. “Stop crying, pleb. You’ve never had a girlfriend before, right? No, don’t answer, it’s obvious that you’re a virgin in every sense of the word. Since I’ve been so bored lately I’ll give you the privilege of learning to date with me, Byakuya Togami, as your instructor. ” He finally turned to face Souda, he’d had enough time to compose himself and regain his signature bitch face.

Souda looked at Togami with an unreadable expression. His face was stained with tears and snot, somehow Togami found this hot. Gross. His voice was shrill as he spoke, he sounded like he was stuck in puberty. “W-wait! You’re asking me to practice by dating you?! But I’m not-” Togami rolled his eyes and cut him off mid sentence. 

“You’re not gay, is that what you were going to say? I’m offering to teach you how to seduce the object of your affections for free and THAT’S what you’ve chosen to say to me? You’re truly pitiful. Either accept my offer or don’t. Do not waste my time.”

Souda was silent for what felt like hours but was really only around a minute then his expression changed completely, he looked excited and spoke quickly, “You really think I could seduce Miss Sonia? Me?! Well if it’s for Miss Sonia then I guess it’s not gay. Ok, I’ll do it! Teach me everything you know!”  
God, that was easy. Souda was so easy to control and so, so stupid. Togami felt like he was falling in love and he hated it.


End file.
